• Beethoven: ARE YOU READY TO HEAR SOME SYMPHONIES?!
  • Audience: *cheers*
  • Beethoven: I CAN'T HEAR YOU!!

  • guinness world records man: sir you have done nothing but do pushups from this one spot for 20 years with no rest. what drives you?
  • me, still doing pushups: i wanna push this planet out of the idiot solar system and into the horrifying abyss of the unknown universe and this is the only way I know how
  • world records man, in awe: [drops everything and instantly begins doing pushups next to me]

papercup:

blueandgray:

I haven’t read nearly as much as I would have liked this year. 

Miss my reading buddy, papercup.

Same :( I think I’ve knocked out three books compared to last years 28. 2015 is so soon!!!

Be my reading buddy, papercup!

The best thing about writing fiction is that moment where the story catches fire and comes to life on the page, and suddenly it all makes sense and you know what it’s about and why you’re doing it and what these people are saying and doing, and you get to feel like both the creator and the audience. Everything is suddenly both obvious and surprising… and it’s magic and wonderful and strange.

Neil Gaiman (via aquestionofcharacter)

(via writeworld)


he is thirsty for rings of all shapes and sizes and his bum bag is filled with secret surprises that is right it is sonic the hedgehog the blue haired squirrel from the 3d family adventure game that is called sonic the hedgehog and the deaf prince of egypt. if you like the type of games that are about jewellery and bum bags then prepare yourself to go on a bum bag filled adventure of a lifetime and right at the start of the game it shows sonic the hedgehog standing behind his school with some boys from his class and he keeps on looking at his bum bag and smiling at it and all of the boys think that he is actually in love with his bum bag or something and then after about 5 minutes sonic slowly unzips his bum bag and it is filled right to the top with loads of quiche and he says to the boys do you think i can suck up all of this quiche out of my bum bag through this glass tube and they all look at sonic and they say do it if you want to do it mate but we are honestly not bothered if you do it or not and sonic says well i can do it so easy without even trying and his friend scott says fair enough sonyan if you want to do it then just do it but stop constantly going on about it to us every single day because it is just getting annoying now and then sonic says haha well read it and weep you bunch of cloth helmets and then he kneels down on the ground and he puts the glass tube over the quiche and he starts sucking it up out of his bum bag and all of the boys are just looking at each other and saying what is the actual point of him doing this and sonic was sucking it up so hard that he actually looked like he was having a quiche fit because his whole body was shaking so much and then once he had swallowed up every last taste from out of his bum bag he stands up and he says now that is how you unleash the quiche and a boy who is called jamie says well done sonic you just sucked up a massive slab of your mums quiche from out of your bum bag congratulations you must feel so proud of yourself and sonic says yes i do feel proud actually it is more than any of you idiots have done today and then sonic looks at his wrist and he says oh would you look at that it is time for me to go and collect some delicious golden rings haha and then he runs off over a hill and after about 2 minutes the boys get a text on their phones from sonic and it is a picture of him pretending to be crying and he is wiping his tears away with loads of gold rings and then on the last level of the game sonic the hedgehog has to battle the deaf prince of egypt who is played by teen throbsticle zac efron from the the film grease and sonic must defeat him or the world will be destroyed and turned into a paste and with every kick and slap to zac efrons deaf egyptian face a golden ring falls from the sky and then as quickly as a blink of a dolphins eye sonic jumps up into the air and he screams see you in hell zac efron and then he turns his legs turn into electric whisks and he slams them right into the side of zac efrons neck and his neck completely bursts open and the whole of the sky starts raining pure liquid gold like a beautiful golden shower falling right out of gods throat and then when the world has been saved and sonic has buried zac efron underneath his castle there is a shot of sonic standing on top of a mountain looking out over emerald city and he is smiling to himself and then he does a massive slow motion scream and loads of golden rings and quiche come flying out of his mouth and all of the villagers bellow eat the quiche and they spend the golden rings on new clothes and ipads and they all live happily ever after until the end of time. Chris (Simpsons artist) xox

he is thirsty for rings of all shapes and sizes and his bum bag is filled with secret surprises that is right it is sonic the hedgehog the blue haired squirrel from the 3d family adventure game that is called sonic the hedgehog and the deaf prince of egypt. if you like the type of games that are about jewellery and bum bags then prepare yourself to go on a bum bag filled adventure of a lifetime and right at the start of the game it shows sonic the hedgehog standing behind his school with some boys from his class and he keeps on looking at his bum bag and smiling at it and all of the boys think that he is actually in love with his bum bag or something and then after about 5 minutes sonic slowly unzips his bum bag and it is filled right to the top with loads of quiche and he says to the boys do you think i can suck up all of this quiche out of my bum bag through this glass tube and they all look at sonic and they say do it if you want to do it mate but we are honestly not bothered if you do it or not and sonic says well i can do it so easy without even trying and his friend scott says fair enough sonyan if you want to do it then just do it but stop constantly going on about it to us every single day because it is just getting annoying now and then sonic says haha well read it and weep you bunch of cloth helmets and then he kneels down on the ground and he puts the glass tube over the quiche and he starts sucking it up out of his bum bag and all of the boys are just looking at each other and saying what is the actual point of him doing this and sonic was sucking it up so hard that he actually looked like he was having a quiche fit because his whole body was shaking so much and then once he had swallowed up every last taste from out of his bum bag he stands up and he says now that is how you unleash the quiche and a boy who is called jamie says well done sonic you just sucked up a massive slab of your mums quiche from out of your bum bag congratulations you must feel so proud of yourself and sonic says yes i do feel proud actually it is more than any of you idiots have done today and then sonic looks at his wrist and he says oh would you look at that it is time for me to go and collect some delicious golden rings haha and then he runs off over a hill and after about 2 minutes the boys get a text on their phones from sonic and it is a picture of him pretending to be crying and he is wiping his tears away with loads of gold rings and then on the last level of the game sonic the hedgehog has to battle the deaf prince of egypt who is played by teen throbsticle zac efron from the the film grease and sonic must defeat him or the world will be destroyed and turned into a paste and with every kick and slap to zac efrons deaf egyptian face a golden ring falls from the sky and then as quickly as a blink of a dolphins eye sonic jumps up into the air and he screams see you in hell zac efron and then he turns his legs turn into electric whisks and he slams them right into the side of zac efrons neck and his neck completely bursts open and the whole of the sky starts raining pure liquid gold like a beautiful golden shower falling right out of gods throat and then when the world has been saved and sonic has buried zac efron underneath his castle there is a shot of sonic standing on top of a mountain looking out over emerald city and he is smiling to himself and then he does a massive slow motion scream and loads of golden rings and quiche come flying out of his mouth and all of the villagers bellow eat the quiche and they spend the golden rings on new clothes and ipads and they all live happily ever after until the end of time. Chris (Simpsons artist) xox

(via timsutton)


he is thirsty for rings of all shapes and sizes and his bum bag is filled with secret surprises that is right it is sonic the hedgehog the blue haired squirrel from the 3d family adventure game that is called sonic the hedgehog and the deaf prince of egypt. if you like the type of games that are about jewellery and bum bags then prepare yourself to go on a bum bag filled adventure of a lifetime and right at the start of the game it shows sonic the hedgehog standing behind his school with some boys from his class and he keeps on looking at his bum bag and smiling at it and all of the boys think that he is actually in love with his bum bag or something and then after about 5 minutes sonic slowly unzips his bum bag and it is filled right to the top with loads of quiche and he says to the boys do you think i can suck up all of this quiche out of my bum bag through this glass tube and they all look at sonic and they say do it if you want to do it mate but we are honestly not bothered if you do it or not and sonic says well i can do it so easy without even trying and his friend scott says fair enough sonyan if you want to do it then just do it but stop constantly going on about it to us every single day because it is just getting annoying now and then sonic says haha well read it and weep you bunch of cloth helmets and then he kneels down on the ground and he puts the glass tube over the quiche and he starts sucking it up out of his bum bag and all of the boys are just looking at each other and saying what is the actual point of him doing this and sonic was sucking it up so hard that he actually looked like he was having a quiche fit because his whole body was shaking so much and then once he had swallowed up every last taste from out of his bum bag he stands up and he says now that is how you unleash the quiche and a boy who is called jamie says well done sonic you just sucked up a massive slab of your mums quiche from out of your bum bag congratulations you must feel so proud of yourself and sonic says yes i do feel proud actually it is more than any of you idiots have done today and then sonic looks at his wrist and he says oh would you look at that it is time for me to go and collect some delicious golden rings haha and then he runs off over a hill and after about 2 minutes the boys get a text on their phones from sonic and it is a picture of him pretending to be crying and he is wiping his tears away with loads of gold rings and then on the last level of the game sonic the hedgehog has to battle the deaf prince of egypt who is played by teen throbsticle zac efron from the the film grease and sonic must defeat him or the world will be destroyed and turned into a paste and with every kick and slap to zac efrons deaf egyptian face a golden ring falls from the sky and then as quickly as a blink of a dolphins eye sonic jumps up into the air and he screams see you in hell zac efron and then he turns his legs turn into electric whisks and he slams them right into the side of zac efrons neck and his neck completely bursts open and the whole of the sky starts raining pure liquid gold like a beautiful golden shower falling right out of gods throat and then when the world has been saved and sonic has buried zac efron underneath his castle there is a shot of sonic standing on top of a mountain looking out over emerald city and he is smiling to himself and then he does a massive slow motion scream and loads of golden rings and quiche come flying out of his mouth and all of the villagers bellow eat the quiche and they spend the golden rings on new clothes and ipads and they all live happily ever after until the end of time. Chris (Simpsons artist) xox

he is thirsty for rings of all shapes and sizes and his bum bag is filled with secret surprises that is right it is sonic the hedgehog the blue haired squirrel from the 3d family adventure game that is called sonic the hedgehog and the deaf prince of egypt. if you like the type of games that are about jewellery and bum bags then prepare yourself to go on a bum bag filled adventure of a lifetime and right at the start of the game it shows sonic the hedgehog standing behind his school with some boys from his class and he keeps on looking at his bum bag and smiling at it and all of the boys think that he is actually in love with his bum bag or something and then after about 5 minutes sonic slowly unzips his bum bag and it is filled right to the top with loads of quiche and he says to the boys do you think i can suck up all of this quiche out of my bum bag through this glass tube and they all look at sonic and they say do it if you want to do it mate but we are honestly not bothered if you do it or not and sonic says well i can do it so easy without even trying and his friend scott says fair enough sonyan if you want to do it then just do it but stop constantly going on about it to us every single day because it is just getting annoying now and then sonic says haha well read it and weep you bunch of cloth helmets and then he kneels down on the ground and he puts the glass tube over the quiche and he starts sucking it up out of his bum bag and all of the boys are just looking at each other and saying what is the actual point of him doing this and sonic was sucking it up so hard that he actually looked like he was having a quiche fit because his whole body was shaking so much and then once he had swallowed up every last taste from out of his bum bag he stands up and he says now that is how you unleash the quiche and a boy who is called jamie says well done sonic you just sucked up a massive slab of your mums quiche from out of your bum bag congratulations you must feel so proud of yourself and sonic says yes i do feel proud actually it is more than any of you idiots have done today and then sonic looks at his wrist and he says oh would you look at that it is time for me to go and collect some delicious golden rings haha and then he runs off over a hill and after about 2 minutes the boys get a text on their phones from sonic and it is a picture of him pretending to be crying and he is wiping his tears away with loads of gold rings and then on the last level of the game sonic the hedgehog has to battle the deaf prince of egypt who is played by teen throbsticle zac efron from the the film grease and sonic must defeat him or the world will be destroyed and turned into a paste and with every kick and slap to zac efrons deaf egyptian face a golden ring falls from the sky and then as quickly as a blink of a dolphins eye sonic jumps up into the air and he screams see you in hell zac efron and then he turns his legs turn into electric whisks and he slams them right into the side of zac efrons neck and his neck completely bursts open and the whole of the sky starts raining pure liquid gold like a beautiful golden shower falling right out of gods throat and then when the world has been saved and sonic has buried zac efron underneath his castle there is a shot of sonic standing on top of a mountain looking out over emerald city and he is smiling to himself and then he does a massive slow motion scream and loads of golden rings and quiche come flying out of his mouth and all of the villagers bellow eat the quiche and they spend the golden rings on new clothes and ipads and they all live happily ever after until the end of time. Chris (Simpsons artist) xox

(via timsutton)

My day yesterday in a nutshell:

Laid up on the couch sick all day watching Venture Brothers, playing Dragonvale and looking at funny pictures on the internet. Then David comes in after work and we manage to *unfold* all the laundry on the floor. Then I watch him work out from the couch while I eat wheat thins and leer creepily at him the entire time. Then I was in the bathroom and David yells “OH SHIT!” and I lean forward out of the open bathroom door and yell “What?!” and he says “JUST DON’T COME IN HERE” so I’m like oh ok it’s a spider I can handle this, I’m not going to freak out, and then David squeals like a girl and he runs past the bathroom to go get a bigger shoe, and I’m like…. Something is off here, so I yell “WHAT IS IT?” and he runs back past the bathroom with a combat boot and says really fast “IT’S-A-SCORPION” and I don’t know why but I get really excited and follow him with my pants only half way pulled up and I’m yelling “DON’T KILL IT YET I WANNA SEE IT!” and then I saw this huge scorpion mother fucker trucking across the floor like a semi and I immediately turn around and head for higher ground in the kitchen yelling “NOPE NOPE NOPE BAD IDEA I SHOULDN’T HAVE LOOKED AT IT NOPE TERRIBLE IDEA” and then I proceeded to have a panic attack on the kitchen counter with my pants halfway down.

Fast forward a bit and it’s about bed time, but I feel like shit so I take some nyquil. Then everything gets a little fuzzy but David says I just wandered around the apartment for a while complaining and yelling because “we don’t have bacon cheeseburgers, or at least cheetos I mean COME ON what is this a communist country?! I JUST REALLY WANT SOME CHEETOS” and then I found some chocolate wafers and ate those while making what he described as “orgasm noises, like, a really really good orgasm I think” and then I said “and FUCK brushing my teeth before bed, I’m an ADULT” and then I passed out ass-up on the bed.